63. empathy isn't innate: it's a skill

If you didn't already know because you were there, you would know from this blog post that Jamil Zaki's Tuesday talk on the 'War for Kindness' was one of the standouts of SXSW. The previous post - number 54, gives the background of Zaki and his ideas. Here are some more of the things he shared:

When he talked about online communities he used the phrase 'The Loudest Voices' and said how they weren't the kindest. The empathetic majority are often silent. He urged us all to be louder about our kind thoughts. To proclaim them, and to question the other loudness, the hatred and aggression. When we have a momentary impulse for kindness or empathy, we should act on it. Empathy fades, but if we act on it we reward it, and build it.

Zaki explained 'Contact Theory' - that if we have a human connection to someone that we believe is other, to be distrusted, or hated, we change our approach. This can apply to soldiers in wartime, as well as people in the throes of racial hatred. He gave the fascinating example of a virtual reality programme that put people into the real life situations of the homeless:

1. Trying to decide which possessions to save for sale, when we are evicted.
2. Being moved on from shop doorway by the police
3. Trying to find somewhere to sleep on a subway train

People who experienced this programme were assessed before and after, and they showed real change in how they viewed the 'homeless problem.'

The takeaway from Zaki's talk was overwhelmingly positive. Lack of empathy is real, but it is not fixed, it is not a given. With judicious application of well crafted tools, it can be recovered, and we can be kinder.